Performing Magic for Friends and Family

That's a really complex question, with a lot of different perspectives and situations to consider.

From my personal experience, I have a select group of close friends I practice effects with. But with my in-laws, for example, and a very close friend, no matter how much I clarify that I just want to entertain them, I can't do any magic for them because they think I'm trying to pull one over on them, or that I'm trying to be the smartest guy in the room, or that I'm lying to them. Sometimes they've even busted a trick, which, as you can imagine, really ticked me off. In those cases, it's best to just pack up and move on. Never do magic for someone who doesn't want it. Be careful with this, as it can lead to resentment.

What happens is that you adopt your magician persona, and your family and friends, who know you well, just don't buy it. They're not used to it, they don't like that attitude, etc., and they get defensive. Plus, if your family has seen your progress, from not even knowing how to hold a deck to producing a rabbit, for instance, they'll believe it even less.

I think this is a common situation; there's literature on the subject that often gets overlooked when you're starting out. However, I believe it's important to be clear about who you're performing for and to build a healthy relationship that benefits everyone. As the saying goes, I wish someone had explained it this way to me when I started.

Personally, I think having family and friends to perform effects for and practice with is a huge advantage, despite everything. That said, you need to be aware that they're a beta audience – people you can try things with, practice, ask about mistakes, and get feedback from. So, you should treat them as such and not expect over-the-top reactions. First, because they know who you are. Second, because they've seen you mess up. And most importantly, third, because they'll look for flaws everywhere to help you improve. That's how you should take their criticism.

I think you should lay out some initial ground rules: first, that you need their help to practice and improve, treating it like a play (because it really is a performance). Also tell them that harsh criticism will undermine your self-esteem and confidence, so ask them to be kind. Explain that you need to practice with an audience, and ask for their patience if you're slow or make mistakes. Tell them you need to repeat effects to rehearse, and that they should look for new errors. And, above all, that you're not trying to impress them; you can't come up with a spectacular new effect every day, you need to repeat and practice.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying all your friends and family will be willing to help, but you'll certainly find a few who will, and they'll be the best practice you can get. Of course, you shouldn't tolerate teasing, having them bust an effect, or trying to one-up you, no matter who it is. It's not a competition; it's entertainment.

Don't rule out explaining how an effect works: a move, a gimmick, etc., so they can give you feedback on angles, hand positions, body language, whether to add more patter, and so on. Explain to them what misdirection is all about – if they're watching your hands when you're talking, if you're not managing to distract them or focus their attention elsewhere while you're executing the move. Remember they're a beta audience; they're going to sit through your practice sessions while you learn a new effect. They deserve to know a secret or two since they're part of your progress.

Something that worked for me for a while (during a period where I only ran into trick-busters and not a single spectator who enjoyed the magic) was to say before starting that magic doesn't exist, that I was going to perform using tricks, methods, and clever ploys to make them believe in the impossible, to seek their amazement, and for everyone to have a good time. In other words, I objectively defined magic before starting so nobody felt deceived. Sometimes it worked, and sometimes it didn't. Nowadays, I don't say that anymore because it's preemptive judgment and can condition the attitude of a potentially positive audience. Simply put, if I see a positive attitude, I lean into it; if not, I cut it short and move on, because none of us are here to waste time.

I hope these thoughts and tips are helpful, best regards.

Hi Mariana,

What I've found is that when I offer to do a magic trick, my family and friends tend to see it as a challenge. They're not looking to be amazed; they just want to catch me. They feel like instead of it being a fun experience, I'm trying to fool them, and they get frustrated when they can't figure out how I did it.

But when they ask me to do magic, everything goes much better.

The lesson is: you should only do magic when people actually want to see it.

Best,

As @mario_garcia_diaz says, it's really tough to build a climax for your closest family members without them putting up roadblocks. I first tried it with my younger sister, and everything went smoothly; but with my older brother, it got complicated. Also, with older folks (like your grandma), you can perform for them, and they won't question the steps you take.

Well, I hope this helped. Best,

My partner has a scientific mind and can't stand anything "impossible"; they're always trying to figure me out, haha!

It's quite a challenge, but they say love conquers all, right? 😅

Haha, yeah, he's not exactly Mr. Excitement.

Here's a better video with a performance; those always come in handy.

Cheers,

Thanks a lot, Carlos! :slight_smile: